Waiting for . . . what?

I feel like most of my life I have been waiting for something. When I was little I waited for exciting things—holidays (birthdays, Christmas, summer vacation) and first time experiences (being old enough to ride a bike, to stay home alone, or drive a car). And I waited for major life events to happen, like graduating from high school and college, getting a “real” job, getting married, and having children. Then when I had children, it started all over as I would wait for them to be born, wait for them to sleep through the night (I waited a reallllyyy long time for that!), roll over, eat solid foods, and take their first steps. I’d wait for them to be old enough for school, wait for them each day to come home from school, wait for summer vacations to visit relatives, wait for summer to finally be over so they could go BACK to school, wait for what seemed an eternity for the middle school years to finally be over, wait for them to make it through high school so they could get into the college of their choice.

Now that they are finally at the college of their choice (go Cougars!) and serving missions, far away from me, I find that I am waiting for time to pass so that I won’t miss them so much. Which has mostly worked. I’ve gotten used to the idea that the only one waiting for me when I come home each day is the dog (and he’s waiting very anxiously too). I’m getting used to buying less food and having more leftovers and doing less laundry. There are still times when I long to be with them, just to sit around and talk and laugh, to look them in the eye and tell them how wonderful they are.  They are my children, and I will always love and miss them when they are not near me.  I will wait patiently for the time when we can be together again.

But here I am in the present moment with a sense that I’m still waiting for something big to happen. When my kids were little, there were so many things that I felt like I didn’t really have time to do. My scrapbooking supplies have continued to grow, though the number of completed albums stopped completely a couple of years ago. I have made several quilts, but my fabric stash and planned future projects have multiplied alarmingly. I have always wanted to write the great American novel, but never felt like I had the energy or time required to do so. The pile of books by my bed has grown steadily larger in the last couple of years as I continue to put books there that I have intended to read but have only barely glanced at. So I guess I’m wondering, as I stand here on the verge of a new pattern of life, will things change? Will I finally have time for these things that I’ve been waiting to do? And of course the real question is what do I really even want to do now? 

I guess I will just have to wait and see….